Our Version of Helm's Deep Be afraid!
by Keaggen TreeLeaf
Summary: The remaining members of the fellowship are at Helm's Deep. They're saving Middle-Earth? God help us!
1. Default Chapter

We want to point out that Leelee23 had the first idea for this in "Mines of Moria: The Musical", we are simply building off of it and are not stealing her idea, so don't forget to check out her story, it's cool. None of these characters are our own, and they all belong to J. R. R. Tolkien. Thanks man. The songs are none of our own creation; we simply changed the words to fit our story. Please R/R thanks peeps. Hopefully there will be more coming soon if you all like it.  
  
  
  
For our own odd reasons all the remaining members of the fellowship are together and plagued with odd personality disorders.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Frodo: Keeps loosing the Ring   
Sam: Relates everything to food   
Merry: Is a big faker   
Pippin: Is possessed by Sauron   
Aragorn: Won't stop singing   
Gandalf: Has obsessive compulsive disorder   
Legolas: (is not gay but) is slowly turning into a girl.   
Gimli: Keeps repeating everyone else  
  
Our story begins at the coming of the Battle at Helm's Deep. King Theoden is concocting a strategy with his army of men who have seen either too many winters or too few.  
  
Theoden: "Ok. Men, you got that? Good! Any questions? "  
  
A small boy raises his hand, "Where do we run if you call retreat?"  
  
Theoden: "I won't call..."  
  
Boy: "But if you do?"  
  
Theoden sighs deeply: "Good God, I don't care where you run just don't run over there!" He points to a corner in which 8 odd men sit huddled close together.  
  
The boy raises his hand again: "Why not?"  
  
An elderly man smacks him on the back of the head and shouts "That's the fellowship, lad! It's no secret they're looney!!"  
  
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Sam: "Ok guys, its easy as cherry pie, no, maybe apple. We know our enemy's weakness and we hit 'em where it hurts!  
  
Aragorn: "Why'd you have to go and make it so complicated?"  
  
Sam: "Gandalf, where are you going?"  
  
Gandalf: "I'm going to wash my hands."  
  
Gimli: "I'm going to wash my hands."  
  
Sam: "You are too?"  
  
Gimli: "You are too!"  
  
Sam sighs and shakes his head. "Ok, we need to be as organized as an all- you-can-eat-buffet! To your positions! "  
  
Pippin runs up to the fortress walls and shouts, "Come to me, my host! No, no! Stay there! Yes, come!"  
  
Off to the side, Frodo groans, "Ohhhh no, I've lost it"  
  
Legolas crouches down and says "Here's your" sweetly "mighty beautiful ring" He frantically tries to shake the thought of him as a woman out of his head as he tosses the ring to Frodo who misses, "Aww crap!"  
  
All of a sudden in the deafening silence a small voice pipes up, "Here they come!"  
  
When all eyes turn to Merry he smiles and says, "Gotcha, hehe"  
  
An awful noise is heard quietly at first and then louder, at once it is recognized as singing and all attention is on Aragorn, "'Cause you know I'd kill 10, 000 orcs if I could just, see, you..... tonight! "  
  
Theodan: "Here they come! At ready men! "  
  
Pippin (holding his hand in the air): "It is finally mine again! Muwahahahaha!!! "  
  
Frodo: "I'll take that, you thief, Pip!"  
  
Pippin: "You rascal, give me my ring back! No Frodo, take it and run! Give it to me, runt!"  
  
Frodo, walking away, "Jeez, Pip, you're odder than usual, ouch!"  
  
He had tripped.  
  
"Damn!" The ring was gone again.  
  
Ten feet away Gimli shouts: "Damn!"  
  
Merry: "What's wrong?" then shouts: "Oh my god! He's dieing!"  
  
When everyone's attention is diverted he says, "Hee Hee, you're all so gullible."  
  
Legolas pulls out his bow and shoots 4 orcs at once, hitting an orc for each arrow square in the forehead, "Yes I got 'em, ya dirty yrch! Oh, dear I broke a nail."  
  
The leader of the Uruk Hai shouts something in Black Tongue and all of a sudden, Gimli shouts, "Charge! Kill the Humans!"  
  
Everyone turns to regard him. He looks at them confused.  
  
Merry: "He's half orc! He knows their speech!"  
  
Merry has a laughing fit while Gimli is beaten into the ground.  
  
Aragorn: "In the end, he really didn't matter."  
  
Gandalf returns, sees the dirty, disgusting, germ-covered orcs, screeches and runs away.  
  
Sam sticks his sword into the nearest orc and while staring at the corpse says, "You look like a raisin I ate last month."  
  
Pippin: "I have it once again! No you don't, that's a ringmail link! What do you know, runt? Hey, it's not my fault you took over my body. Fine, you win!" He tosses the ring aside.  
  
Frodo is crying into his hands, then he looks up at the sky exclaiming, "I can't believe I'll never find it again! Oh!" The ring, I mean link falls into his hands.  
  
Pippin: "Gotcha, hahaha! Grrr, you little trickster!"  
  
Merry: "Hey Pippin, stop stealing my quirk!"  
  
Legolas (talking to a nearby elf): Ok so you just line up your shot and don't you just love my long blonde hair?"  
  
Gandalf returns in the midst of the battle and walks by a fighting orc just long enough to witness his death. Black blood spatters all over his newly starched robes. He shrieks and runs away to the waterhole to wash his hands.  
  
So did you like it? If you did then more will be coming soon, but make sure we know you liked it, review this story! Yes, now! 


	2. So It Begins

Sorry about the delay. Hope this is good eough for you. Just to remind you readers Ezzara Santo'Cabllero co-wrote this stoey with me. Hope you enjoy.  
  
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Theodan called a retreat after all hope seems lost. You could barely make out a small boy sticking his tongue out at the fleeing king. Almost every man and elf alike ran to the cover of the caverns. All except the fellowship - they are all completely oblivious to everything around them. Most others are likewise ignoring them except for the occational orc who will throw himself into their midst only to be struck down by Aragorn's horrorful voice and Gimli's echoing howl of the songs.   
  
All of a sudden, one of the Uruk-Hai managed to snatch up a very unsuspecting Sam who imeadiatly began beating him with his frying pan shouting "Put me down, you great prune!"  
  
Merry cups his hands around his mouth and points into the distance "Oh! Look! Here come Sauron!"  
  
At that point the orc-goblin dropped Sam to the cold, hard ground with a thud and hid in a large crevice in the wall.  
  
Sam begind brushing himself off "Thanks man"  
  
Merry looks confused "I didn't do anything"  
  
Pippin flys into an outrage while screaming, "What do you mean 'comes'?!?! I'm already here!!"  
  
Aragorn begins cutting into the thick of the army signing, "I feel so alive! For the very first time, I can deny you! and for the very first time, I think I can fly!"  
  
Merry picks up on what he says and begins to encourage him, "You can Aragorn! Go! Be free!"  
  
Hearing this, Aragorn throws himself from the wall of Helm's Deep.  
  
Sam gasps, "You fool, Brandybuck! He's probably as flat as a pancake by now!"  
  
Frodo butts in, "Yeah, Merry, ou have some nerve trying to kill our only hope in this war."  
  
Merry says pointdly, "You've lost it again."  
  
Frodod exclaimes, "Oh my God!" and then faints, comeletely worn out from crawling on the ground.  
  
Pippin walks by and snatches something from Frodo's hand, "Thank you!"  
  
Legolas had been wandering around looking for soemthing to kill and mutilate when he stumbeled apon Gandalf sitting at the waterhole running his hands back and forth under the surface of the water.  
  
The elf began to scan him up and down, looking for flaws, "My, your a cleanly fellow" he remarked as he took a dagger from his boot and threw it over his shoulder, gutting a fast approaching orc.  
  
Gandalf looks up at him and replies, "I do not know or wish to what your interest is but we are trying to win a battle here!"  
  
Legolas is taken aback as his face slowly turns to that of sheer heartbreak.  
  
A simple, "Good-bye" was heard as Gimli added his two cents worth.  
  
Gandalf looked at him puzzeled, "I didn't say that"  
  
Legolas began to sniffle, "You were thinking it!" At that he ran off to find comfort in his new collection of Teddy Bears.  
  
A haggard Aragorn manages to make his way back up the wall and stood there looking for Merry.  
  
Merry begins to sqeal and manages to call for help, "Please! He's gonna kill me!"  
  
Frodo forces a laugh, "Yeah right, Merry, just like Sauron comming, Gimli speaking Black Tongue, and Me loosing the ring? is this all a big game to you?"  
  
Merry tried to defend himself, "But... but... you really did loose the ring!"  
  
Gandalf doesn't look amused either, "Yeah, and I have obsesive compulsive disorder."  
  
Legolas sticks his nose in the air and give Gandalf the cold shoulder, "You do."  
  
Gimli pipes in, "You do."  
  
Gandalf looks very preturbed by now, "What is this, Pick On Gandalf Day???"  
  
Merry can't resist before he adds, "Always has been." Realizing his mistake he slaps his hands over his mouth while jumping a low swing by Aragorn who wont stop singing songs of death and distruction.  
  
Frodo gets up off the floor, check his pockets and then shouts, "PEREGRIN!!"  
  
Pippin looks up, "What?" and then his voice vills with malice, "You can't ahve it, itsss mine, my precioussss....."  
  
Sam realized whats going on and shouts, "Pippin is possessed by that string cheese looking fellow, Gollum!!"  
  
Pippin exclaims, "No its Sau.... SOmeone finally sees the truth, don't they?" He then punched himself in the other arm. "No, Sam, don't believe him!"  
  
Sam looks disgusted and then concludes, "No, maybe your just weird." He rolls his eyes and walks away.  
  
Aragorn begins to sing wiht a very melancholy voice,   
  
"Are you aware of how you make us feel, Merry?  
Right now we feel invisible to you, like we're not, ra-ee-a-ee-l.  
Didn't you see us welcome you to this, Fellowshi-e-ip?  
Why'd you turn away? Here's what we have to say,  
  
We were left to fight there,   
Waiting outside there,   
Stabbing at the thin air,  
Thats when we dicided  
  
Why. Should we caaaaare?  
'Cause you weren't there,  
Theoden's scared,  
We were so alone!  
You! You need to listen!  
We're starting to flip,   
We're letting you slip,   
Now your in this thing alone."  
  
And with that they pitched him over the wall.  
  
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Hope you enjoyed more coming soon! Please Review this. Thanks! Cheers:) 


	3. writers block help send ideas!

We need idea guys we don't know waht should happen next just send us reviews with your ideas in them   
thanks   
Keaggen TreeLeft  
&  
Ezzara Santo'Caballero 


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